One of my problems is that I dabble in too many things. For example, for a while, I thought that I was going to take up photography, but I do not think I have a lot of talent. And so, I have this great camera that will probably never realize its full artistic potential due to the ineptitude of its user. Many things I do are like this, the given example being particularly illustrative of how expensive such dabblings can be. For what its worth, I think I have some talent in music, writing music as well as performing.

If I had to boil everything down, take away all the possible hobbies I could have, and essentialize what I could do with my spare time, I would probably say writing and music. The problem is that, and this could probably be a big whiny excuse, I never have time to do so. Whenever I get somewhere and can see myself going somewhere, I have to do something that takes me away from music for 3 weeks or even 6 months. In that time, you lose everything that you have gained, and when I come back, I have to start from the very beginning. I do not know how many times I have gone over the same goddamn material.

My experience in musical groups are limited to jazz or concert bands, a little stint in a basement band with Charlie Hall, much talk but no progress in a band with Pat Kattner, and my own rather simple diddlings on the guitar (note: Also, I was part of this band called Chocolate Rice. We recorded a particularly cheesy adult contemporary song called "How Was Your Day?" We performed it at an open mic night. Bad memories.). I have always wished that I could be part of a group, but since I lack contacts/friends, that dream never really worked out. Of course, I never formed my own group for the same reason. No "band" friends and so forth. It is hard and sometimes a little boring to do everything by yourself.

So I guess I have always been sitting on the side of the pool, watching those with talent (and without) splash in the water. I dont have enough confidence to dedicate myself completely to music (since I dont want to be starving) and so I have always been frustrated that nothing can result from so much daydreaming. I feel especially frustrated when listening to a great song or watching a cool music video. Ho hum.

Labels: complaints, music, musings, wishes